A recent fall may have caused your father’s recovery to be difficult. Perhaps your mother’s home is suddenly overflowing with a ton of dirty laundry and food that has gone bad.
How can you support your parents in maintaining their health, safety, and happiness while maintaining your sanity? What to do when elderly parents refuse help? What you say and how you say it will influence a parent’s response to your support just as much as what you do.
Readmore: Why Are Old People Stubborn? How to Deal With? – Elder VIP
Why Elderly Parent Refuses Help?
Higher Level of Self-esteem
How frequently is a concern voiced and an opinion or recommendation is given in response? How often do we reject ideas out of hand rather than being curious and seeking more information?
It is in our nature to prefer to vent, be right, or complain than to accept responsibility for finding solutions. Even when others offer advice or assistance, there are times when annoyance is the reaction.
Adult children who offer support cause parents to become irritated. It irritates me when adult children who are caring for elderly parents don’t make an effort to understand their viewpoints or desires. Why would anyone assume that the conversation with an elderly parent who refuses care will go differently if a closed-minded response to suggestions or assistance exists in daily life?
The degree of self-esteem, confidence, and openness to adjusting and putting new ways of thinking and acting into practice determine how someone responds to change or suggestions, regardless of age. When asked about their capacity to carry out daily tasks, manage finances, select friends, engage in social activities, or manage their health, elderly parents may become silent.
Want to Maintain Independence
As people age, these are the areas that are most important for preserving independence. Adults who disregard their own health and wellbeing may later experience physical disability and lingering medical issues. Even when taking care of their elderly parents, caregivers who neglect these areas risk developing care needs in the future. Feelings of frustration and struggle can be lessened by adult children who approach caregiving from a collaborative perspective with elderly parents.
Adults want control over their lives and the ability to make decisions. For instance, having the choice of who we let into our lives and where to live. Retirement years could become more difficult as we get older and our early patterns of bad financial management, neglecting our health, and other behaviors start to negatively impact our lives.
Elderly parents who resist learning new skills and receiving help from others may develop ingrained habits that make it difficult for the caregiver to build healthy relationships with their parents.
Being narrow-minded prevents opportunities for stronger ties with friends and family, for better health, and for more social interaction. Isolation can occur along with an increase in other chronic diseases that can progress to become incapacitating when health issues make day-to-day living more difficult.
Chronic Disease Effect
High blood pressure, diabetes, or high cholesterol are examples of chronic health problems that start in middle age. Diagnoses that go untreated can have serious long-term effects on daily life, so action must be taken to address these concerns. Heart disease, dementia, kidney, liver, and other physically crippling diagnoses can become a part of life.
Parents carry on with their daily lives until a sudden event like a hip fracture, heart attack, car accident, stroke, or another life-altering event happens. Prior to a parent needing care, the thought of life being upended and requiring care or transitioning to caregiving is uncommon.
What to Do When Elderly Parents Refuse Help?
Understand Their Feelings
Almost everyone finds aging to be a challenging process. Many elderly people suffer from dementia or mental health conditions like anxiety and depression. You can communicate with your elderly parents more effectively if you learn how to acknowledge their feelings when you tell them they need help.
“Realizing that your parents’ autonomy is important to them can be beneficial as well,” says social worker Elder care issues are resolved with families by Massachusetts-based Suzanne Modigliani, a life care specialist. She suggests asking yourself some key questions about your parents’ behavior:
- Do they always behave in this manner?
- Concerned that they will become dependent?
- Do they struggle with anxiety or depression?
- Do they have dementia or are they just confused?
- What might they be frightened of?
The best way to bring about positive changes in your parents’ behavior can be determined by determining the underlying causes of their actions.
Accept the Situation
These conversations may be met with resistance from our elderly loved ones who feel that it is too soon. Anyone under the age of 75 most likely does not consider him or herself “old.” After all, 70 is supposedly the new 50. But memory impairment, broken hips, heart conditions, and the need for care are common realities that older people
and their families must confront.
Despite the fact that you have your parents’ best interests in mind, they have the ability to decide how they want to live and who will take care of them. “[Your parents] are adults with the right to make decisions — even poor ones,” Modigliani says.
Even though it’s difficult, accepting this reality can help you feel less stressed and even make your relationship with your elderly parents better.
Adjust Your Battles
There’s no escaping the fact that your parents will always see you as their child first. Many parents find it difficult to handle a sudden role reversal.
Neglect, whether it’s real or imagined, has a negative impact on people. In the long run, it might help your case to stop insisting your parents update their phones, join a fitness class or complete other beneficial, but nonessential, tasks.
Treat Your Aging Parents as Adults
While it may occasionally seem like you and your parents are playing different roles, when you acknowledge and respect your elderly parents, it makes it easier to help them.
Always keep in mind that the most important thing is to ensure that your parents receive the best care when helping elderly parents who refuse assistance.
Find An Outlet for Your Feelings
It’s important to express your frustration, but not to your parents, if you’re upset that your elderly parent won’t move to a safer home or take their medication as prescribed. Instead, confide in, or strategize with, a friend, sibling, therapist, online support group, or Senior Living Advisor.
If you are the main caregiver for your elderly parents, this is especially crucial.
No matter how much you care about your elderly parents, it’s simple to feel helpless with frustration, fear, and anxiety when you have to constantly provide assistance to them. Be on the lookout for activities that can help you let go of negative emotions and take care of yourself to prevent this.
Include Them in Future Plans
A future plan that includes your elderly loved one may inspire them to receive the care they require. Even if your parent has not been diagnosed with Alzheimer’s disease or dementia, living with any kind of memory loss can be very difficult for seniors to deal with, or even acknowledge. Everyone’s anxiety is reduced by helping elderly parents remember crucial dates.
Is there a forthcoming family event they want to attend, like an anniversary, a graduation, or a wedding? Discuss it frequently and bring it up. Set a reminder on the calendar. Share the excitement.
Summary
You might have to respect your loved one’s decision to forgo care if you’re at your wits’ end and they refuse it, and you’ll have to be there for them no matter what. They are adults and can make their own decisions, no matter how frustrating that may be. Instead of arguing with your parents, try to be as supportive and helpful as you can. It might take them some time to accept the idea, so don’t give up.
